When I was asked to say a few words about my father for church on Father's Day, it went something like this: "Do you have any good stories about your dad?" And I immediately answered yes -- not thinking that saying this to a member of the bishopric might land me behind the pulpit -- thinking "good" could mean funny, profound, interesting, etc. Well, the audience received little benefit, but it was an enjoyable experience recalling of stories about MY DAD:
1) A lady is driving down a country road when all of a sudden a rabbit dashes out in front of her and THUMP.... Now she can't believe that has just hit an animal and is panicked when she sees that it is probably dead. Now, there is no one around and she just doesn't know what to do -- she has never killed anything in her life. When a car comes along, she is almost run over as she leaps into the road to flag down the driver. "Mister, mister" she says "you've just got to help me. I've just hit this poor little animal with my car and I think it might be dead, but he can't be dead; I've never killed anything in my life. You've just got to help me!"
The man doesn't really know what to do but he sees her hysteria. So he checks out the dead bunny and...it's dead. But the lady hasn't stopped talking about how she just couldn't have killed an animal and that she's never killed anything in her life. She says, "You've just got to do something. Can't you help? Maybe you've got something in your car." In an effort to buy some time and allow the woman to calm down, he heads to his car and starts rummaging around. Eventually he pulls a bottle out of his trunk and brings it back to the scene of the accident. He applies a little of the solution to his hands and starts rubbing it on the rabbit's ear when BOING it stiffens right up. Both the man and women are shocked, and he continues with the other ear, which also comes to attention. Finally, he works all the way to the tail, when all of a sudden the rabbit jumps to life and runs down the road about thirty feet, turns around and waves with his little paw. Then he runs down the road another thirty feet, stops, and waves again. The man and women just stare as the rabbit continues his pattern until he is out of sight.
Now this lady is starting to think more clearly and calmly. She turns to the man and says, "Sir, I was so scared that I killed that little bunny, but I never thought that you would really be able to help. What do you have in that bottle."
"I don't know," he said. "It was just something my wife had in the car." He turns over the bottle and reads: "Hare Restorer and Permanent Wave Lotion".
2) Favorite scripture? Mosiah 3:19 - The natural man is an enemy of God
3) We were coming back from a outing at scout camp and three of us asked the senior patrol leader if we could go on ahead of the group. This led to a 5 hour(?) journey where we were, what some people call LOST. We finally prayed as a group for guidance back to camp...that's how we finally made it back. But I'll never forget Dad's first words when he saw me ultimately stroll back into camp -- it's important to remember that he was angry, disappointed, etc. -- he says, "Good gravy Glenn Thomas!" Even if the gravy were thin and lumpy you couldn't consider it a cuss word. I've never heard my dad swear...and that is impressive.
4) His siblings always said that they thought they'd have to support Dad in his adult life.
5) I would come home late. He would ask me why I was late but then interrupt my explanation with, "I don't want to hear you excuses." (I think that I finally get it.)
6) We had several car trips as a family. When we were with Mom, there was a cooler, homemade sandwiches, snacks, etc. When Dad was in charge, there was fast food! I remember our trip to Utah, Dad, Ryan, Face Martin and I -- I had a Milkshake with every meal.
7) I remember travel on Sunday meant dropping by a church on the way for sacrament meeting, and maybe classes, too.
8) "We don't hit girls."
9) My dad had to wake up to me doing a little more than sleepwalking -- I was stepping up and down on his bed saying, "I'm growing, I'm growing..." That coupled with me trying to walk onto up the wall to get to the ceiling (my stated purpose) had Dad giving me a father's blessing at 3(?) in the morning.
10) Dad promoted wrestling/ruff-housing but we weren't a bunch of brawler's.
11) When my dad's idiot son (me) accidentally shot a 30-30 rifle in the house, that particular son called Dad on the phone to break the news (before he could see the damage), and Dad said, "Do you know why it happened? Because you were being careless.
12) As a father he could outwork me. As a soccer coach, he could outrun me. As a scout master, he gave 100%. As a bishop, he was an example.
13) Dad baptized me in a river near the house. Sadly, my only memorable experiences were the freezing temperature of the glacial runoff, the water shooting up my nose, and the overwhelming warmth that I felt as I was wrapped in towel after towel, carried up the embankment to the car.
14) Saturday workdays. Including burying the pool.
15) The best defense to phone sales is Dad's "I don't want anything for free."
16) Fast offering collection had the added benefit of steering the car from the passenger seat. I remember trying to avoid the potholes in the gravel driveways as Dad slowly sped up.
17) Dad promoted living a habitual good life, just choosing to do the right things...daily. 2 Nephi 31:19-20 - pressing forward with steadfastness after entering the straight and narrow.
18) Punishment was spankings. Dad would explain what I had done, "deliver" the spanking, and often cry afterwards. I remember the disappointed speeches, the hugs, but not the spankings. D&C 121:41-44, 36, 40 - rights of priesthood inseparably connected with the powers of heaven -- many are called, but few are chosen.
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